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unknown From: NY Website: E-mail: DDCMJ@aol.com	hey! im 15 years old and ive had SM since i was 3. its been very hard not being able to talk to people when i really want to! some times i just want to scream!! when i was little, people just thought i was very shy, but ill grow out of it... but i didnt. now some people have told me i am stuborn and rude. my teachers dont understand, its not that i dont want to talk, its that i cant. my parents have been very understanding and SM runs in my family with 6 of my cousins, my aunt and my grandma. so i was told i have it because its in my family. my doctor also believes that SM can get worse when a tragic event in your life happens... which i guess might also be ture. in third grade, i started talking more, and making a lot of friends.. but some family members passed away that year and i stoped talking again. i didnt talk to anyone in 3rd, 4th, or 5th grade. i could only talk to a few people. i also became less active and stayed at home all the time. i quit cheerleading and i gained a lot of weight. i was teased and i couldnt stand it anymore. i was told i had SM but i never really new what it was. in 6th grade i started cheerleading again and i started dance. now, by 9th grade, im still in cheerleading and dance, and i have a lot of friends. so everythings all right now... right? wrong. in school i still have a lot of trouble reading in front of the class, or presenting projects. i found my most hardest class is spanish because when i say it,it sounds different and im afraid i will stay it wrong. my spanish teacher is very nice and she talks a lot, but none of my teachers understand how hard this is for me. i thought i would just outgrow it, but i cant! i can talk to everyone in my class, but not all at once. when i have to read something at school, i cry myself to sleep the night before and have and anxiety attack. sometimes i have even passed out. what should i do now? i have a lot of friends, i socialize, but i cant do things in front of class.. my senior year i have to take speech class which i am already getting worried about.. talking, giving speeches in front of my whole class? someone help!! Added: March 1, 2002
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Tara From: OR Website: E-mail: gtbusch@terragon.com	My daughter was very normal until the age of 4-5. We moved out here from Iowa, and through all of the commotion and staying with new relatives etc., she stopped talking to everyone except me and my mother. It is now four years later (she is 8), and she still isn't totally talking. It took her two years to talk to her Dad. After that, it took another year of working with the speech teacher in private settings, to get her to talk to her first grade teacher. (She didn't talk to her K teacher at all.) Now, she does talk to a few more people, but she will not talk to any of her classmates in the school setting. We just tried putting her on Zoloft, which did make her more hyper and flamboyant, but had to take her off of it, as it gave her stomach aches. I'm at my wits end and don't know what to do. I get the feeling that her teacher thinks she is just being manipulative, and I feel stuck when my daughter breaks down. (She really doesn't want to go to school any more, and cries before school sometimes.) I forced her to go the other day, and the teacher said she did just fine. I just don't know what to do anymore. It's also hard, because I work at her school and she knows that I am always there, so she has a tendancy to use me as a crutch. Should I keep on trying to get her to talk, or treat her as a mute child, and just forget it? I know being quiet all day is taking its toll on her. Please write back if you have any suggestions. Added: February 25, 2002
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kari From: Denver, CO Website: E-mail: kmiller@adams50.k12.co.us	I am writing to discuss my daughter. She just had her fifth birthday last week. She has always been an extreemly shy girl. However, it is becoming more and more obvious that she isn't going to talk. She is a chatter box at home with family members. She is also this way at my mother's house. My mother is her daycare provider. She talks with her and the few children she watches daily. My daughter does not talk with extended family members or other children or adults. We have a large family and get together frequently for dinner,etc. She has never spoken to my sister, my aunts, her other grandparents, uncles or anybody. At age three she spoke a little to a few of my friends who babysat her but she doesn't talk to them now. She has no explanation as to why she doesn't talk. Her father and I are very frustrated. We have tried everything we can think of from supporting her to tough love. Last week her doctor told us about selective mutism. I have been reading and researching the net and it does sound like my daughter. How do I know that she just isn't shy? How do I know this isn't stubborness? I don't know what to think. Added: February 20, 2002
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Renei Perez From: Miami, Florida Website: E-mail: reneiperez@cs.com	What a blessing to find this Web page. I believe my 5 yr old son has SM. He did not speak in preschool and now he is in Kindergarten and is still selectively silent. It has been so frustrating for our family, being at social funtions is extremely difficult. Many people are insensitive and assume he has a learning disability. They comment in front of him not realizing that he understands them perfectly and has excellent hearing. My son is a chatter box at home and with all family members (ie grandparents, aunts/uncles and cousins). He also has a select group of peers at school that he speaks to constantly. He does not speak to strangers or adults. He does not speak to his teacher and does not participate verbally in any school activity. His teacher is very sweet to him and tries her best. But my son is tested (bench marking progress) orally and must respond orally. The teacher has to call me every time he does not pass an oral eval. She also is unable to complete his report card with satisfactory grades and must document needs improvement. She has started quizing him and having him respond by writing or pointing or nodding just to make sure he is understanding and learning. My son is very bright. He is beginning to read and loves it. However the administration at the school claims that their is a reason why he choses not to speak claiming he is to young to be able to make this decision. They continue to insist that he must communicate orally. I have stared to video tape him this week and will give the tape to his teacher. I have considered having her visit our home, but thought this may be inappropriate, through this site I realized it is okay and tomorrow as I drop him off at school I will be inviting her over. I have learned much from visiting this site. Most important, that I am not alone. I have asked for an evaluation from the school psychologist, and will be taking on the role of educating the administrators of his school. I will appreciate any info. on this topic. Thank you so much!!! Added: February 19, 2002
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Fara From: Maryland Website: E-mail: fwolfson@hotmail.com	I am a teacher seeking advice/ideas from parents/advocates/professionals. I have a semi-urgent matter. I am a high school teacher working with a student with selective mutism. This student was first diagnosed when she was 4 years old, she turns 19 this spring. She attends a nonpublic school (for students with special needs) in Maryland. As part of our program we have an "alternative learning environment" where students go for serious behavioral problems, before they return to the classroom following a**pension, etc. Some students spend 1/2 a day or a day in the ALE when the regular schedule/transitions may be overwhelming. I am writing to you because we are unsure of whether or not this setting is therapeutic/appropriate for this student. She went to the ALE once (because she ran away from staff during a fire drill and would not leave the building). Once in ALE she completed independent work all day (Students are to work independently, there is no discussion/conversation in the room for the most part) She successfully completed all work but spent a lot of time the next day apologizing for her behavior. (She is frequently apologizing for everything). She has been "out of program" a lot lately following the death of a staff member, the resignation of one of her favorite staff members (one she spoke to a lot), and possibly other contributing factors. When she is in the counseling room, she draws pictures with messages (I'm sorry, I'm mad at you, I'm sorry I cussed you out --- all with invented spellings and very expressive pictures [tears coming from her face in the drawing] for her teacher (me) and she talks to counseling room staff (saying "I miss Mrs J," expressing fear that Mrs J (the teacher who resigned) has cancer and is going to die, etc. We are looking into programmatic changes for next year but will be having a meeting to discuss the appropriateness of the ALE for her. I would love to hear your opinion on such an environment and will also forward this to various chatrooms/groups, etc. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this and, hopefully, to respond... Sincerely, FWolfson Added: February 15, 2002
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twila From: denver,colorado Website: E-mail: draewhite@netscape.net	I have a 10 year old daugter with whom we have been working with the last 7yrs and havent been able to find what was wrong with her but a school psycologist came across an article on this subject and we read it it sounds like her but what i also wanted to know is that she had tubes set in her ears which delayed her a little bit. Only in school is where the problem lies and grades are fine just the oral part of it and making friends and talking to somebody about it. Is this a part of Mutism or something else? Please email me with any suggestions anyone might have Added: February 15, 2002
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Hayley E. From: Website: E-mail: Hay062501@aol.com	IF any of you are confused about selective mutism, I just finished reading a book for my English class. It is called The Only Alien on the Planet, by Kristen Randle. This book totally showed me what selective mutism is although it is fiction. Anyone should read it who is interested. Added: February 13, 2002
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John Larson From: California Website: E-mail: tralarson@aol.com	Private post. Click to view. Added: February 12, 2002
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Jeannie From: Ballina, Australia Website: E-mail: kuwert@ozemail.com.au	I have a 6yo sm daughter. She started her first year at school last year and initally couldn't talk at all. After a few weeks she was speaking with select peers. By mid year we had her teacher come to our home for a visit. She began speaking with the teacher at home. Her reward for this was a rabbit as long as she continued with the talking at school with her teacher. She still speaks with her teacher and will now talk to any children. She has started in her second year at school recently and has a new teacher. We have also had this teacher over and she happily spoke to him at home. She is still yet to speak to him at school however it has only been a couple of da**o I'm confident she will start to speak to him soon! It is really frustrating at times because she is a very bright child who has a wonderful personality. But both her dad and my dad had sm for the first 7-8 years of their lives too. I am hoping to contact any other parents or people who know sm kids in Australia or any where else. It's great to know I'm not the only mum out there who has a special child like this. Regards Jeannie Added: February 12, 2002
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Catherine O'Hagan From: New Jersey Website: E-mail: Willowweeping5@aol.com	I felt like I was the only parent out there with a child who has SM. My 5 year old daughter was diagnosed with SM at 3 yrs. old along with OCD and sensory integration dysfunction. She is extremely intelligent and has learned sign language as a form of communication in public settings. Has anyone else has success with signing to a SM child? Also, I'm searching for the right behavioral therapist for her in my area. Can anyone help me? Added: February 11, 2002

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